Lahdeedah. My dad said he made skirt steak for dinner, but there is no way that was skirt steak. I could barely eat any of it, my jaw was working too hard.

sleepingtodreeam:

I need a job and to be in shape.

I really enjoy spending time with my family or chilling in my room alone, but I really just want to do something tonight. Anything.

Tipsy man and his significant other: Is this better than frozen yogurt or ice cream?

Me: Both!

Kayla: It’s even richer!

Man (as he pats his belly): Oh, but my body is a temple.

Me: I think you should let this pray in your temple.

They show their cheese wheels making corny jokes and then say, “we wait for our cheese to mature.” Well, I think they got it wrong, the cheese wheels could make the same joke, and then they could say, “we like our cheese cheesy.” Fancy cheese people aren’t eating cheez-its they don’t expect this to be aged cheddar. They want a cheesy taste, so I want my cheese wheels telling cheesy jokes.